Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
