Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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