I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it hurts more in the daytime
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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