He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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