Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
