Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize