if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wear drunk well.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
