it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
