Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
