Please, let me fuck your mom
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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