this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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