I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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