I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
kristin has been a bad kristin
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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