I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
