I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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