I can text with my tongue
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
