standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
