do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
