You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
