omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
