As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
