Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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