You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
