So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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