This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
