I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
