shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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