i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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