woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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