32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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