Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
