I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
