Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
