i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
