I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
