I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
