never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
