I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
