all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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