Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
