I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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