no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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