I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
