you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
