I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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