what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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