I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
its liver damage thursday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
