Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
