One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
