Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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