You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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