the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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