atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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