this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
