Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
