my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish I only lived at night.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
